Facing Death and A Song for Bobby

August 17, 2010 No Comments

Facing Death and A Song for Bobby

My grandmother always told me to never say goodbye and to instead say ‘so long’ knowing that we’ll meet again.

As a child, I was very afraid of death and would oftentimes wake up in cold sweats worrying over it and panicking over what happened to us when we die.

My friend Bobby and I were very close.  We played together.  We grew up together.  We talked and talked and talked til we fell asleep talking.  We went to the beach.  We went clubbing.  We argued.  We had adventures.  Sometimes on Saturday morning, if he called and I didn’t answer the phone because I was still sleeping, he climbed up the back of my house and scaled the wall to my bedroom window, pulled out the window fan and serenaded me awake.  At times he drove me crazy.

He gave me this little jingle one time.  It said …

We talk about girls
We talk about guys
We talk about ‘us’
But we never ask ‘why’
We say I love you on the phone
Then we go to bed, each one alone

It never occurred to us to ‘get together’.

I had always met everyone he dated and he always met everyone I dated — except this one girl named ‘Gina’ and I never understood why she was the one girl he didn’t let me meet.  He told me that she lived in the basement of her house and it was all set up like an apartment in a town called Chester, and that she played the baby grand piano, etc.  One night my friend and I went out to a club with him and his friend Gino and then we were all going over Gino’s house later to drink some brandy. We got there and were drinking shots of brandy and my head was a little fuzzy.  Gino started playing his piano and we were all singing and carrying on and just having a good time.  But the next morning, I thought “Oh my God” … We were in Chester in this basement apartment and Gino was playing the baby grand piano. Gino?  Could this be the Gina I never met …

So, I asked him right away – “Are you gay?”‘ and he said no.

So instead of my usual “I love you” when we hung up, I would say – “Just remember two things – number one, I love you and number two, if you are, it doesn’t matter” (meaning if he was gay).

Sometimes I would shorten it further and just say – “just remember two things” and he would say “yeah yeah”.

One night, when I was saying “Just remember two things”, he said, “Say them” … so I did.  ”Number one I love you, number two, if you are … he said “I am”.

A year later, he died of AIDS.  We were in our early 20′s.  I wrote this song called “Song for Bobby” in 1986.  The reason it is the most sentimental to me, besides the obvious reasons, is because of how cathartic it was to write it.  It was like an old church hymn that kept playing over and over in my head until I put it into words.  I could ‘feel’ him all the time … everywhere … and I knew he wasn’t ‘gone’!

SONG FOR BOBBY

Whenever there’s a shining sun
Forever towards it I will run
For in its beauty, I’ll think of you
And all the things we used to do

I miss you so and yet I know
That you’re not far wherever you are
And, if I listen close
I can almost hear
You gently whisper in my ear
That everything will be ok
I’m learning to live life day by day

And not a day will go by that I won’t think of you
And all the things we used to do

And the falling rain will erase the pain
And make us all believe again
That we are one forevermore
And death merely opens another door
And that someday we’ll reunite
I’ll never stop searching for the light
That leads us all towards the right way
I can’t look back on yesterday
Except to remember the happiness
I guess that’s something I’ll always miss

And sometimes still I feel the sorrow
And I don’t think I can face tomorrow
It’s the inner strength that keeps me going
I know it’s all a part of growing
So it’s the joy and laughter I’ll think of hereafter
And the better times I’ll keep in mind

And not a day will go by that I won’t think of you
And all the things that we’ve been through

I miss you so and yet I know
That you’re not far wherever you are
And, if I listen close
I can almost hear
You gently whisper in my ear
That everything will be ok
I promise to live life day by day

And the falling rain will erase the pain
And make us all believe again
That we are one forevermore
And death merely opens another door
And that someday we’ll reunite
I’ll never stop searching for the light
That leads us all towards the right way
I can’t look back on yesterday
Except to remember the happiness
I guess that’s something I’ll always miss

To stay in one place you eventually slip back
So you have to keep moving to stay on track
No matter how hard it seems
Hold onto your dreams
Because you just never know
When it’s your time to go

And sometimes still I feel the sorrow
And I don’t think I can face tomorrow
It’s the inner strength that keeps me going
I know it’s all a part of growing
So it’s the joy and laughter I’ll think of hereafter
And the better times I’ll keep in mind

Goodbye is too final and this isn’t the end
So I’ll just say ‘so long’ to my special friend.

Life Coaching

Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)


When I grow up

It has been said that most likely whatever you thought you wanted to be when you grew up at...

Crystal of the Month – November 2011 – Blue Kyanite

  Blue Kyanite looks similar to a small blue blade.  It aligns the chakras automatically and immediately.  It does not...

Propensity for Intensity

People in a close relationship start off with a very intense desire for the company of the other person....

Hope

Hope is an emotion which brings about positive feelings of optimism and enthusiasm. It leads to joy and desire...

Crystal of the Month – October 2011 – Citrine

Citrine is one of the only stones that never needs charging or clearing. It is known to promote success,...

What Can a Life Coach Do For Me?

A life coach can be extremely beneficial. These professionals are friendly and organized people who understand how to talk...

How to Choose a Life Coach

Certification Being a certified life coach means that the coach has met the certification requirements set forth by a...

Crystal of the Month – September 2011 – Carnelian

Carnelian has a rich, deep orange-red color.  It is powerful in energy and can help boost your energy.  It...

Inspiration

On the other side of darkness, there is light … To counteract despair, there is always hope … For...

Crystal of the Month – August 2011 – Moonstone

Moonstone is a beautiful stone for strengthening intuition.  It allows one to see into the future and enhance psychic...